I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
