Barsexuality is the new black.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
