My first STD was from a foam party
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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