Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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