everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
