people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
