I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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