Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
