I skipped work to stalk him.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
