All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
