You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
