i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
