i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
