What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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