Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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