my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i will never coherently bang her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
