talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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