so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
