He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
