It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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