Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
