sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
