At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
