My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
