I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
