im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
