I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
false alarm, still single
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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