So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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