dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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