just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
