I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
