I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Watching her eat just hurts me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
