i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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