he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
