What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
