Your face is a jimmy john
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
