when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
