You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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