You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
