Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
