We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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