I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
