my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
