party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize