my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
