You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
