No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
