We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are a genius and a whore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
