dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
