i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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