dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
