i permit you to call me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
