His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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