Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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