thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
