God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
