I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
