i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
