So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
